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JET FC
Ispra, Italy
8-11 June 2007
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The Mighty Harwell (a.k.a. JET FC)
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Bob Brooks
Chris Hoy
Dave Butler
Dave Cookson
Gary Nixon
Gavin Clark
Geoff Broughton
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Geraint Apps
Ian Behling
Jon Wright
Justin Brock
Nick Simmons *
Nigel King
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Paul Nixon
Richard Findlay
Simon Thresh
Tom Hazeldine
Tom Stuart
Tom Turner *
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* Tour
virgins
Friday
We tucked into a
Gatwick breakfast.
Tom Hazeldine was already on
his way home to collect his passport.
Our
first Italian beers were slotted at Milan airport while waiting for Tom Stuart's BA executive jet.
There was some panic when he landed late at the other terminal but our
Italian guides quickly located the Tosser Rosso.
The JET Team took
lunch at Ispra where FBH was
caught hogging the chips.
   
Bob tried to bribe the Russians with
our tour whisky. Unfortunately it was the other Russian team that we would
play.
Nigel admired the
tremendous view from his balcony.
The afternoon was
spent taking a cooling dip in Lake Maggiore.
           
A quick scan around the beach (no sound) showed
there was still no sign of Tom Hazeldine.
While some
children played on a Pedelo, Gavin modelled his new
mini-codpiece.
 
Our veteran
tourist knew the dangers of mixing alcohol and water and checked that
everything was in place.
All present and
correct.
A few
beers at the lakeside cafe followed the swim.
 
Paul Nixon arrived
after travelling from Ferrari where he worked.
All the excitement
and excessive beer was just too much for one venerable gentleman.
Ian Behling
livened the occasion with an impromptu speech
that sounded
like this.
Geoff
and Dave Cookson attended the high-level series of Team Leaders Meetings
where really important things were discussed.
Back to the hotel
for some more high jinx.
 
Then on to the
coach for few well-known songs (recording) on the
way to the evening do, with more songs and
a few more.
Saturday
JET prepared
themselves for the forthcoming matches by a display of synchronised
indifference.
 
Some particularly
ugly cajoling finally roused the players from their stupor.
JET
had spectacular success against Grenoble (1-0), hard tackles against Belgoprocess
(1-1) and maintained form against Budapest (1-1).
  
A packed lunch
renewed our strength.
After
the coach left without a cramped Sick Gibbons (the poor chap was all tuckered
out after his first day), we returned to the hotel and had some more light
refreshments.
 
Some took the
opportunity to catch up on some sleep after their longer than expected
journey.
Saturday
afternoon was the much anticipated boat trip on Lake Maggiore. If only the
Italians had remembered to load the beers! All aboard the good ship Teetotal.
There were fine
views to port, fine views to starboard, fine views astern and fine views
abreast.
   
Bob discussed with
Markus the chances of swimming to the nearest bar but fatigue finally caught
up and he lost consciousness.
 
Markus put on a
brave face and took some photos for the family.
 
Oh joy! Dave
Butler spied something interesting on the far shore but Ian's patience had
long expired.
There is only so
long an Englishman can go without beer! Abandon ship!
 
Geoff had paid
good money for the privilege to be crammed on board with hundreds of
beer-crazed footballers and was determined to endure the remainder of the
voyage in peaceful tranquillity.
The
evening festivities took place on the Ispra patio where Bob and Ian helped a
hapless Johnny Foreigner feel small.
After
a brief fight at the beach party, the fun moved to the hotel where the
world-weary retired to bed.
 
Sunday
While
the matches continued to enthral the crowd, Richard played with some brown
goo he discovered under the seat. Jon just could not contain his excitement.
  
JET battled their
way to the Quarter Final against UJV - Rez from
Prague. A series of videos were taken showing the spectacle of the line-up
and the high drama of the penalty shoot-out.
Heads on, shake
hands!
If
Carlsberg took penalties Cookson 1-0
Black and green goalie: Hoy 2-1
Thresh 4-3
Easy Apps 5-4
Nearly the hero
Sudden death Geoff
Both goalkeepers displayed
feats of dazzling ineptitude with only Bob's effort being saved. With JET
desperately running out of players, Geoff was in real danger of taking the
next penalty when the contest was finally resolved.
Geoffrey is our
hero
JET
went on to be defeated in the Semi-Final by the Moscow Pensioners in a more
decisive penalty shoot-out. Only Dave Cookson and Chris Hoy disgraced
themselves.
We embraced
the Italian B team before the 3rd/4th Final shortly
after taking the piss out of the bare-chested, micro-shorted Italian poser
who watched the crowd ignoring him.
 
During the match,
Ian sped on to the pitch to treat a prostrate Italian with a litre of chilled
water down his sock. Instant revival. JET lost one nil.
The Ispra v Moscow Final was eagerly awaited with the
partisan crowd getting behind the Russian trophy wives against our generous
Italian hosts.
 
Been around the
world
Boo Ispra Boo!
Dull
game, where's that Vodka
Dwarf dancing
Final halftime
atmosphere
Moscow Vindaloo
Moscow, Moscow
We
are the Rusky preservation society
The superannuated
Muscovites held the Italians to a 0-0 draw. After another laborious penalty
shoot-out, the Italians predictably won for the third time in succession.
Ispra had entered two teams and filled them with some local talent but this
had nothing to do with the result.
We
returned to the hotel and said a fond farewell to Paul Nixon who had to
polish his wing nuts.
At the final
evening meal, the Italian hosts thought the rowdy English would be safer
indoors so we simply moved the place settings to the patio for the third
time.
Markus wondered
how his well-oiled German football machine finishing a lowly10th, while
Justin's expression had nothing to do with Gavin.
  
JET was awarded
the fourth place cup and and commemorative medals
while we sang the crowd pleasing "You'll
never walk alone".
Back at hotel Gary
made friends with our Dutch guide Benvenida (which
is welcome in Portuguese). As a professional guide, she had
drawn directions to the nearest red-light area for the Russians and was
prepared to do some research for us.
Meanwhile, the rest of the team were testing the laws of
physics.
 
Monday
The last morning
was spent on the beach with some food.
 
Our glorious Italian weather
was the only dry period before and after for some weeks. The lakeside setting
could not be bettered.
Our Italia 2007 tour wound down
with Bob playing hide the Dick with Richard, followed by Bob's dull
educational DVD in the minibus and Jon leaving his mobile phone on the plane.
 
The
JET Player of the Tournament and Top Scorer trophies were awarded to Nick
Simmons, a tour virgin drafted in at the last minute to bolster the team.
There
are plenty more Ispra tour photos and videos.
JET
FC finished 4th out of 16.
Group Stage
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Grenoble
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0
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JET
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1 Nick Simmons
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Belgoprocess
- Dessel
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1
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JET
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1 Nick Simmons
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KFKI -
Budapest
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1
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JET
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1 Chris Hoy
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Jet finished second
with 5 points. Belgoprocess were top.
Quarter Finals
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UJV - Rez
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0
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JET
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0
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8
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9 after
penalties.
Bob's penalty
was saved.
Geoff saved 2
and was in danger of taking the next penalty
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Semi Finals
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Phys-Institute Moscow
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0
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JET
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0
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5
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3 after
penalties
Dave Cookson and
Chris Hoy missed.
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Third / Fourth
Final
Final positions
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1
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JRC
- Ispra I
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Italy
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2
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Phys-Institute
Moscow
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Russia
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3
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JRC
- Ispra II
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Italy
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4
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HLRA
- Harwell
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UK
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5
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UJV
- Rez
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Czech
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6
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FZ
- Jülich
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Germany
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7
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CEA
- Grenoble I
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France
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8
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Belgoprocess
- Dessel
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Belgium
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9
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KFKI
- Budapest
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Hungary
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10
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JRC
- Karlsruhe
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Germany
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11
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JRC
- Geel / JRC - Petten
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Belgium
/ Netherlands
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12
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IHEP
- Protvino
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Russia
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13
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CEA
- Grenoble II
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France
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14
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FS
- Dresden Rossendorf
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Germany
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15
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CSC
- Luxembourg
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Luxembourg
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16
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ILL
- Grenoble
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France
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Fair
Play Cup: FS - Dresden Rossendorf
Quotes:
A previous tourist
Geoff
- Many thanks for organising another superb tour!
A great trip - although think we need to re-acquaint
ourselves with some of the seedier aspects next time!
Tom Stuart
Has
anyone seen Tom H's passport, Jon's mobile and where's my bottle of white
wine?
Geoff
Broughton after
downing both his bottles of Limoncello.
The pleasure was
ours!
Keep on the strength, recruit the right
players (I guess those who can drink and play well all the same, and maybe
have some other extra qualities, not to be mentioned in writing!!)
Kind regards, Benvenida
Franken who seemed to recognise the attributes of a great JET tour.
Have to prepare
my suitcase: leave tomorrow after work for 4 days to Holland: would you like
to come and find me in Amsterdam?
Benvenida Franken
Contact me Geoff.Broughton@hotmail.co.uk
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